Self-cogitation

It takes courage to execute even the simplest tasks,, determination to wait patiently to see them to fruition and aplomb to maintain its worth.

Aplomb :  Self-assurance, self-confidence, equanimity. A person who is sure of himself/herself.

How true is that ? Of the umpteen times these words have done rounds.. have some confidence and half the battle is won.. show some faith in your abilities.. they fail to impress me. The very notion of having a definite measured pile of self-confidence leaves my mind in a puddle and the words keep ringing.. On what grounds??? 

When you are standing backstage, reiterating the speech you have taken weeks to prepare, your palms are sweaty and your stomach is lopsided and your mind can barely contain itself. Fear of the crowd, the noise and your bunched up nerves. Even the most composed person will hesitate for a moment during his maiden flight. The only predictable thought in your mind - what will be the result ? And as you leave the script behind and hear your name over the speaker, the hedonism of applaud is the only emotion that parallels your heartbeat. "Its time, tanvi" my mind cajoles, "Go and say it all". My feet are numb and i grip the mike and the rest soon becomes history as the sheer pleasure of my booming voice reaching eager audience  combats every ounce of the anxiety. My speech has faded the moment i opened my mouth and its amazing how the web of words spins itself before leaving my mouth. Just the optimal mix of inflection, emphasis and verbiage. "Just perfect" my mind avers. 

The point of this exposition being the overrated use of the word "aplomb". 

The optimal mix of skill, resources to achieve the results, experimentation and a little bit of "Yes i will do it" spirit is the definition of Aplomb.

An emotionally driven person will often question her worth. Since she juggles to keep her feelings in bound as well as not overdo it, she is torn apart between what she feels and what she should feel. Like a commercially-driven artist who chooses his palette relative to the popularity quotient of his product. Words like self-confidence spin such people off to a tangent. Since the juggle is anyway too heavy, this addition of a "must-have" to "maintain" your self-worth blurs the focus. Confidence is a horse not many can ride on. You have to tame it, taste it and acquire it naturally just like red wine. At times, it may force you to take unprecedented leaps into over-confidence and you & your self-confidence will crumble like a sand-castle.

Self-confidence is a bulid-up, not something you cultivate with resources. Like i exposited, its an intrinsic feeling/emotion that peaks with the right level of preparation (hard-work) and skill.