Kid yourself not

Everyone has a best day, a best week and few the best year
This has been mine, and each day of this year made it better
Some days you lose, some don't let you be the winner
Nothing can quench your fire, especially with your dream so near
Let the tattle tale tail the the tattle
Shine your armor and fight your battle
Nothing is lost in the eyes of a warrior
Love and Hate are contained in the same carrier (heart)
So pick up your pieces if you feel they are fallen
Announce your arrival with a hint of retribution
And wipe your slate clean whilst you empty your baggage
Chalk a new path after you've stone-walled that passage ...

Kid yourself not to succumb to the mistakes of your past
Hold yourself not accountable for each loss
Hate them not for they chose you last
Kid yourself not into building a defensive fort
Love yourself much gaining that loss.

Mozzarella "reality" bites

I can hear my own cries like I hear the whistling wind
Its the new Fall, and new memories have been brought in ...
The old rungs(of my ladder), now lie below, broken and gone
Were the smiles back then even real at all?

The days seem longer, buzzing with activity
with warmer air up here, laced with simplicity
I poke my head above the clouds of past grief
I am still searching, deep for that smile of relief

My questions are unanswered, terminated with a period
I wanted nothing even then, but only to be loved
the depth of my heart, felt so close
now an abyss, was long ago sold

I loved too many times, and lost the equal
I won too many times, the trophy to be "real"
But I walk empty-handed, a blank smile pasted
over the countenance of the resilient - burnt and tainted ...

A distant memory now isolated like an island
with a heart so cold, it had me stranded
But shorter nights and longer days have me granted
the power to wash, wash away the faint-hearted

I fear my own vindication, the strain on my leash unbearable
But the joy it brings, oh its absolutely unparalleled ....
I'm no more the damsel, or a one in distress
No longer a victim, of a tormentous process

Each month I climbed a rung,
upward and onward to the peak of my dreams
scornfully staring at the travesties of my yesterday
I am living a dream in my today

Giving wings to dreams mid-air

Amidst the soft footfall and hushed whispers, she awoke from a short yet deep slumber. Re-orienting her mind and self to the reclining United seat, she reached out to the glass of water to cure the suddenly rising thirst. Whilst fumbling with the window-flap, she felt the water soak her right knee as her hand involuntarily succumbed to tilting the cup. But only her body reacted, her mind was living its own life, it own dream as her eyes soaked up the translucent sunlight and over-estimated yet beautiful Californian view.

The summer was coming to a close end. It had begun with a promising pack of punches, surprises and a boatload of life experiences. Her heart raced as thoughts of a brand new beginning made their way into her raw thought-pool. She let herself smile at the musing of a prolific Fall and dreamed of orange leaves slowly turning red and eventually white with snow. She knew she had changed and she was aware of the reasons that caused this change. She wasn't the same person - mind or body - and she was ready to kick-back her worries & self-securities and dive into a new season of love, laughter and books. Yes, she affirmed to herself, it was time to rise & shine.

Shuffling around her seat to stretch her calves her mind wandered to a distant past memory. It brought immediate peace to her mind and her body responded by settling down to another shot of deep slumber.

It was one of the camping sites at the Rockies in Colorado. Her nonchalant smile broke into a grin as visions re-surfaced with clarity. The rush. The crazy blood-rush when she saw the sky full of stars, hand-in-hand with the piece of her heart still jolted her mind into frenzy. It was phenomenal - like a sparkle-dust laden rich blue carpet with no seams, no restrictions. It had a life of its own, and grew more illustrious by the minute, like an arrogant celebrity. She reminisced feeling the hard ground through the thin sleeping-bag as they basked in the soft and ambient moonlight. Soul over soul with minds intertwined, the chemistry was apparent. A sudden gush of wind had had her hair flopping all over her face. She had giggled, as he looked at her and quickly moved them back into place, whilst gently caressing her temple. She felt the heat rise to her face as she blushed a deep pink. The crackling fire, sparkling diamonds in the sky and the slight touch of his hand suddenly felt immensely romantic. She was drawn to him, just sucked all-in at once. Her eyes glazed with happiness and pride as she felt her heart race. The moment was perfect as they both collapsed into a deep embrace, heart over heart. She drifted away, detached from reality yet in-sync with the present, her mind wandering deeper into the beautiful memory.

The screeching voice of the pilot rattled her eyes open. He was announcing turbulent weather in the horizon. She played with the stone on her finger, the stone of promise & togetherness. Staring into the clouds she decided to replay that memory, the one that filled her heart with warmth & her mind with security..., she wanted to go back .... and lay on her soft pillow.

Renaissance

The disco lights danced across her face as she waded through the bubbling happy and drunk crowd. Her mind was on overdrive as she scanned the bar for him. Peeking through the crowd, her eyes settled on his perfect head. There he was - comfortably at the bar, lost in his own world. She clutched her purse, fingers knotted in a death-like grip and found an innocuous spot between two noisy tables. She smoothed her dress, quickly glanced at her phone, set it to blocking mode and popped it in her bag. Tonight she would calm the raging storm and begin collecting the pieces of her shattered mindset. This was it for her. This was the end of the game, the dead-end and her last glance at her past. 

Life seemed to have had her pinned down. She seemed to have been through the struggles of twenty years of human life in the last 2. It took twice the effort to spread her wings and fly and work her way through life. There was obviously more to this than just a man or a neglected heart. She had lost her grip. Her own personal thumbprint seemed to have dissolved and left behind was a model of generic, carefully carved caricature of a woman. Beneath the beautiful face hid years of hardwork and self-reflection. Her pink lips curled to an evil grin as she took one hard look at him and opened her mind to the future.

She let her thoughts flow as she tapped her feet to the beats. The club was filling up and it was getting harder for her to maintain her stare. As she gulped down her third glass of neat scotch, the warmth spread to her inner core and she stood up only to feel the mix of alcoholic high and fetters of her past. She swayed her hips to "Somebody" by Natalia La Rose and made her way into the frenzied dancing crowd. Metaphorically she had given up. She decided to gulp her regrets in one shot and blend into the social mix, where everything has a layer of neutrality and mediocrity. She wanted to get out there and let the world naturally heal her wounds and let her thrive. The crowd went crazy to the beats of "Titanium" and she found herself in perfect-sync.. the wave of personal confidence shook her as she saw her achievements flash across her face. She could see the darkness find its way out of her mind as every nagging question rationalized to an answer. She submitted herself spiritually, intellectually and emotionally to her core and virtually let go of each negative emotion while tapping away. Tonight was hers. Everything she had been was for something or somebody. But the power was hers. She decided to harness it and carve her path. 

She made her way through to the bar only to find somebody else had been sitting there all along. It was never him. She deluded herself to believing that his perfect head was her elixir. He never even existed while she shed her inhibitions and danced away. She threw her head back in liberating laughter and parked herself on the nearest stool. Cradling her final glass of scotch she let the numbness take over.

At the Beach

Receding waves leave behind secrets of the sea so deep,

The reflecting sunlight brings out the purest color of the sea ..

the wet sand and innocuous laughter of the children

mending broken sandcastles, completing the picture ..

Time never sands still, the wind holds back nothing

streaming tears don't stop, till the heart is empty of everything

Life takes a sharp turn only when you miss a signal

Trust makes no sense,  when all is shattered at the last level.

Deep-rooted thoughts have the brightest colors,

A smaller mind will want everything near

Stretch your thoughts like legs on the beach-chair,

looking at life through shades of the past never being there .. 

Receding waves leave behind stones & shells,

the soft sand is washed away in the swell

A shiny shell nestled in the soft sand,

Sinking deeper & waiting for the touch of a hand

The fragility of a new-born mind is like a rose petal,

each thought making its groove, 

a new memory struggling to settle ..

But it flushes with color when shown its cradle

It grows with grace and charms its beholder