from a solipsist

Shrouded in darkness,, i try to peek
at the gateway to life,, that im still trying to seek
with doubts in my mind
i still take my calls.......
and faith in my might
helps me up from my fall.......

the beginning was weak, the course no better
the end is no fucking sweeter,,
like marble i shine, walking through corridors
no-one fucks with my mind, or touches anymore
like venom spewing from a double-tongued snake
i take what is mine, leaving nothing at stake
you cant cut a peice of flesh and call it a steak
until its borrowed, snatched or stolen from someone else
Ive heard too much bullshit, tasted it too
my world aint a pretty picture for pussies like you
Cuz you speak no evil or hear it no more
but you act like satan's son-in-law
A shower of meteors may crush your brain
but my single question will pulverise your mane..
My voice will haunt you even in your deepest sleep
your vigil wont let u run away from me
its the hate that dwells in my insides
that will blacken your soul,,
please no more tears from your eyes
i will suck them sore,,

You bitch, you took it for granted
now u wont get it, no matter how badly you want-it
I live in my mind, my mind is my sail
i stay uptight, truth is my game
i have no shame, or no tears
cuz pussies like you deserve only fear
your life is blank, crumples like newspaper
past scribbled all over it, and smudges of tears
you lay deep in a pit, and i smirk at your state
people who do wrong, have wrong in their fate..

I fear no mortal, i play with God
My mind is my sanctum, but i am My Lord
Live like qween, but command like a king
cutting your fancies with my diamond ring.

Open your eyes, and collect your broken pieces
Cause if your dealing with me..
... you better throw out your shit.

Thought Update(s)

Ever pictured yourself forgiving someone in a heartbeat ? Ever broke into a laugh during a fight with a friend ?Have you ever smiled at an old joke ? or played out a memorable conversation ? ...Ate ice-cream alone(happily). Clicked random pictures of the sun setting ? Walked back from the station voluntarily.. ? Ever found yourself happily doing grocery ?


Its the mind that plays jokes on us. We long to have an environment that is comfortable both physically and mentally. Being composed and decisive in a heated arugument, rather than shouting your lungs out, always makes us feel we have risen a level higher. our thoughts need elevation too. Taking in the surroundings and drawing your own conclusions is everyones mental game,, but doing so with a hint of positivity & natural rise has to be a conscious attempt. Growth is essential. No matter what field you are in. Football, Creativity, Homemaker.. anything. As a student i always learnt something from my previous year and tried to get better at it the year after. Our mind is a machine... But it has the capability of replacing old worn out parts too.. Old thoughts and attitudes need to be flushed out so that new ones can take charge. Our perspective on things takes shape of a thought in our minds and eventually becomes an opinion over time. being opinionated is a great quality - it shows you have your own independant take on things. but it must not imply that it cannot change. Ever caught urself eating spicy food that you earlier detested ? or watching a sappy movie instead of Action flicks ? As human beings, we are constantlly exposed to evolutionary change taking place around us. New gadgets, ideas, ventures.. Its a lot to take in. Its also a lot of thought-to-opinion forming.

College has changed my opinion on so many things & at so many levels. A new wave of thought unleashes and compels me to answer buried questions. And that always makes me feel like a climbed a floor higher.

Lets for once put our past and present together. Think about what would you change about your childhood - I would want to be sharper, choose better, squabble less, look pretty etc. Now think about what would have happened if you were already born with all that. The juicy learning curve would be diminished to a mere plateau. I learnt a lot from my past,little things that help me view myself with clearer goggles. being punished for not doing homework, eating too much and gaining wieght, using a lot of cool-slang etc. Sounds basic ? It is, but if i hadnt gine through ceratin incidents that taught me better, i wouldnt know the value of growth. It feels great to have cleared yet another year and move ahead in life. trust me, itll feel a hundered times better to accelerate your thinking process with qualitative thoughts.

By quality i dont necessarily mean mature or even correct. Just changes in the actions provoked by those thoughts. If you feel when you get angry and you voice your thoughts out, try to put a stop-cork on that. try to mirror your idol more.

A better approach. A sharper skill-set. Anything that you want to get better at. Polish your thoughts and your actions will shine. Its very simple to let a piece of iron rust away, but difficult to keep it shiny at all times. Thats your mind. the more you consciously work on it, the better results it fetches.

Personal Example - I control my thoughts when in a heated argument. Which i never did, and it cost me a lot of friendships, acquaintances etc. I used to enjoy gossiping. that cost me good friend. But again, i learnt from consequences of my immature actions. You dont always need to scrape your knees to learn how to run.

A lot of people feel maturity comes with age, exposure, circumstances. Bullshit. maturity is in your head. Its a process of self-realization that helps you get you know yourself better so you take suitable decisions that not only enhance your personality but also reflect in your actions. Its a very subjective, airy quantity. Something you cannot procure and dwell on. It grows inside you. Like hunger. like sleep. Maturity in thoughts needs to be invoked, not switched-on.

Being comfortable in your mind is as essential as physical comfort. When your mind is in neutral-mode, you will automatically feel your senses opening up, answers popping out, emotions diluting and your heart rate calming. It will be a very enriching experience like where you know all the answers on the question paper, you just need to jot them down. Your mind gives you perfect directions when well-oiled & up-to-date. you just need to be smart enough to figure the difference.

waves of peace

You make me feel like a million bucks even if you glance just once at me.




My mind fills with a hundered different thoughts when you sit across me, devouring your subway.. your hair cutely swaying as you try to hold up your sandwich together, so innocent, so original. Im still trying to focus on that one thought that i will voice, which will crumble the silence, the static air between us. Its been just over 5 minutes and it aleady feels like an hour... just sitting across you, just watching you..



i cannot imagine the overload of content if i try and remember each little thing that happened between us. Its been so long and so much that i dont want to try to ruffle-up old pages. I think about your mannerisms, your smile, the little eye twitch, the way you curl your fingers.. you are my hero and my fantasy is all about you.. the way you slightly close you eyes, and when you jerk you bike, just so i fall on you,, these are frozen memories in my mind, that no one can ever take away.



My mind floods with a thousand little feelings when i think about the times weve had together. So complete. So satiating, like i will never need anything.. And one day i will recollect all of it. Go through each moment and delicately dissect it so it will be etched in my mind forever. Lying in a bathtub, with water oh-so slightly tickling my exposed flesh, and my mind lost in your thoughts somewhere.. your words, your thoughts and your universe-defying questions. I want to be the answer to every question in your mind. I dig for answers when i see you miserably running around in cicles.. You are my bright shinig light that hasnt faded in the last so many months and i want to protect you. i want to keep you forever. I want to feel his way forever ,, in the serenity on your face, in the sanctity of your warm arms..



you are not just someone special.. you are my everything. My smile, my tears, my moods, my feelings.. it all begins and ends at you. you make me feel special just with your slight touch.. just with a random text. i want to hold you so close, tell you my every secret..



words are not needed for me to show you ... anything... We connect darling. We connect.